Wai'ale'ale streaks beneath.
Powerful tradewinds send me reeling
into the jetstream.
I rise, I fall, but never touch the earth.
Kolea birds trail me.
The exhilaration of flight is too powerful.
Overwhelmed with excitement, I'm ecstatic,
blind with glee.
Looking down I see the proud green valley
has given away to flat bulldozed plots.
I see roofs, buildings, cars like ants below.
Then...
The wind and the gift of flight is no more.
I flutter downward--peaceful at first, but then,
I plummet.
Has some almighty being stopped taking a breath?
Crashing, I'm embedded in painted bark.
I know not where I am.
All I know is that I'm dying.
When the rain comes, I will rise again.
Powerful tradewinds send me reeling
into the jetstream.
I rise, I fall, but never touch the earth.
Kolea birds trail me.
The exhilaration of flight is too powerful.
Overwhelmed with excitement, I'm ecstatic,
blind with glee.
Looking down I see the proud green valley
has given away to flat bulldozed plots.
I see roofs, buildings, cars like ants below.
Then...
The wind and the gift of flight is no more.
I flutter downward--peaceful at first, but then,
I plummet.
Has some almighty being stopped taking a breath?
Crashing, I'm embedded in painted bark.
I know not where I am.
All I know is that I'm dying.
When the rain comes, I will rise again.
Posts
Jeff! I mean P! I didn't know you were a poet? Yay! How pround of myself was I when I realized your poem was about a seed! Very nicely done. I really like the last line. If you are still working on it, I was playing around with what it would be like with some of the to be verbs removed and possibly some of the "I's," but that would make it choppier which I am not sure if you would want or not. Anyway, just an idea to ponder if you are looking for them. I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeletethanks, eve...just playing around. it was a draft of something i wrote while my students were working on their poems. it's rough, so i'll take any advice.
ReplyDeletethanks,
PP
eve, thank you for your kind comments, but i think it's clear that i'm not a poet. i do like your feedback and have made some changes to reflect them...i'll probably be leaving the poetry to you experts in the future though.
ReplyDeleteoh yeah, i forgot...tanks, ah? bumby i check you out.
k-den...
pp
Ha, you don't get off that easy. I'd say its clear you are a poet, whether you like it or not. Welcome to the disease, why don't ya stay a while:)
ReplyDelete